Panic!

Panic

I have been panicky this week. It is not a nice feeling. Have I mentioned that I do not feel prepared for the birth of my little girl?

I have that odd obsession about my kitchen cupboards. They are a mess. I am not exaggerating. Just picture this… if you removed the safety locks, everything would just fall out of the cupboards. That is the kind of mess I am talking about.  I want those kitchen cabinets deep-cleaned and organised before I go into labour, but I still have my day job as well as an evening job from home and frankly, at the moment, I am struggling to manage basic things like making sure we are all fed and wearing clean clothes. Nesting should be the last thing on my mind, but I get so compulsive at the end of my pregnancies I have found it really hard not doing any of it this time round.

On Sunday night, just before I went to bed, I started hyperventilating. That little ‘panic attack’ came out of nowhere and it really took me ages to calm my breathing down. Getting up at 6.18 a.m. on Monday was a real struggle but being at work was bliss as everyone has been really lovely and when I am there, I am too busy to think.

I think my feeling of unpreparedness really came through on Monday evening when I casually asked hubby what our plan was for when I go into labour. I am fully aware we had not really discussed it before and things do not just happen without you planning anything but somehow I just thought we had a vague plan. I have packed a case for the children after all (complete with everything they might need for 24 hours, including tons of food for Jumpy and entertainment for the three of them). We just have not figured out exactly what we were going to do with our three little ones when labour starts.

Guess what hubby answered? No, wait, you cannot possibly guess so let me tell you what my husband casually said to a 39 week pregnant lady (please note that he was really serious):

Hubby: “I’ll call my dad.”

Me: “What?”

Hubby: “Yeah, that’s the plan. I’ll call my dad and he’ll pack his bags straight away and come to look after the kids. That’s the plan, hun!”

At this point, he was really proud of himself and I started panicking…

Me: “But your dad lives four hours away…”

Hubby: “We’ll just call Cé then.” (Can you tell hubby is really laid-back?)

Me: “She lives 45 minutes away, has a toddler, and she might be at work (or sleeping) when I go into labour.”

Great plan! Hubby then proudly came home from work yesterday with a colleague’s phone number. She lives around the corner and has seen the children twice.

Here is my plan (Hubby is still convinced his is ‘the’ plan, as if!). I think Aimee, who sees the children all the time and lives really close to us would probably be our best first call. As she is away this week-end, Loraine, who has three children the exact same ages as ours (they all love each other) has also offered to have the children. Sounds much more sensible…

The overwhelming sense of panic does not stop there. I worked on Monday night and ended up going to bed way too late. After about an hour of not managing to fall sleep, I realised I had not felt Wriggly move for what seemed like hours despite my stroking her. A t 1.30 a.m., I got out of bed, went downstairs and prodded the bump to try to wake Wriggly up. No such luck. I went to the loo hoping it would make her move, but it did not. I had a cold drink, shone a bright light at the bump and prodded her some more. Nothing. Not one single kick.  I started to panic again and let my mind drift away to dark thoughts. Not good. As I went back to bed and put on my birth hypnotherapy tracks on just after 2 a.m., she started moving and I fell asleep, reassured… Overreacting, me? Never! That put all my previous panicking into perspective as what matters the most is my baby, her being healthy and coming to this world when she is ready to. If I am not relaxed, she will not be relaxed. She is what matters the most and everything else can wait.

Dare I mention that I struggled to get up with the children on Wednesday morning? My 39 week appointment with the doctor, who said my little girl had a very strong heartbeat, was a great start to the day. Beanie and Jumpy were fascinated by the regular, soothing sound they could hear coming out of the Sonicaid.

I have also been ‘panic buying’. Just before I turn off the computer after work every night, I spend quarter of an hour ordering something. On Monday, it was dresses for the girls and a T-shirt for Crevette. On Tuesday, it was new duvet covers for the children and Wednesday night I did a quick food order. On Thursday, I made a John Lewis order for a lambskin, muslin squares and newborn vests… I do not normally do impulse buying, but I want to feel ready for our baby.

I am even panicky about today being my last day at work. It just makes the fact my due date is in four days so real and makes me feel so unprepared…  There is no space in the freezer for even a bag of breast milk, I have not even been near the loft to dig out the Bednest, Moses’ basket or changing table… OK, we do have clean baby clothes in a drawer, a couple of packs of nappies and a clean car seat. Just writing that makes me feel better actually.

Panicky, me? Never!

The Reading Residence

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Comments

  1. Oh no, Mel! I have to say that your plan sounds infinitely better than your husband’s! Get him in the loft this weekend so you’ve got out the basket and linen and then you’re all set. So pleased all was well at your appointment, too. Hope you can have a calm-ish weekend, and thanks for sharing with #WotW x

  2. Oh bless you. I hope your plan comes to fruition and you’re able to enjoy a little time before baby arrives.

  3. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) says:

    And Breathe! I am sure it will all come together lovely, though you’re story about hubby’s plan for the kids made me chuckle. Very, um, optimistic of him! Deep breaths and you’ll be fine :) xx #wotw

    • He is so chilled, bless him! Most of the time, his relaxed attitude helps, but that plan was a bit shaky for my liking I have to admit…

  4. Oh dear Mel, you’re sounding like me! I hope we can both chill out soon x

  5. Oh and breathe… I am sure you have more sorted than you realise, I’m no expert here but as you said yourself being relaxed is key – don’t be so tough on yourself :) …but your husband’s plans did make me smile x

  6. adeline says:

    il paraît que la nature est bien faite et que le bébé devrait arrivé quand ce sera le bon moment d’arriver: quand ton beau-père sera déjà à la maison ou bien les 1eres contraction commenceront à l’école et Cécile pourra aller rechercher les petits ou ton amie Aimée…. et s’il te plaît laisse-moi tomber ses vilains placards même une fois le bébé arrivé les gens qui viendront te visiter viendront prendre de tes nouvelles et voir la petite merveille, ils ne vérifieront pas que tu as de la poussière ou du bazar dans tes placards, si c’est le cas, fais-moi plaisir change de copines!!!!!!!! aller courage ma Nanie!!!!!!!!!!! et don’t panic!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxx

    • Oui, je sais… Pas facile de laisser tomber sa nature par contre. Si toi tu peux le faire, je peux le faire aussi :) Tu me manques!!!

  7. Michèle says:

    Hé oui !!!! je me doute que ce n’est pas évident. J’ai connu moi-meme le meme souci mais bon ….. ma proposition de venir près de vous afin de m’occuper des enfants et meme de t aider dans tes occupations tout en allant à l’hotel tu n’as pas approuvé et j’en suis la première désolée car une maman doit toujours dans la mesure de ses possibilités etre présente dans ces cas là et je le pouvais meme si effectivement ton frère passe son bac à cette meme période mais il faut reconnaitre qu’il n’a pas besoin de sa maman pour passer ses examens…mais bon ce n’est pas grave c’est ton choix et j’espère de tout mon coeur que solution tu vas trouver et de celà j’en suis certaine. Je vous embrasse bien fort tous les 5 ainsi que la petite puce à venir et j’ai grande hate de tous vous recevoir en Aout. Je vous aime bisous

    • C’est adorable mais ça ira. Ce sont surtout mes corrections et mon manque de productivité qui me stressent, tu me connais ! Bientôt fini. On a vraiment hâte de venir vous voir en août. Si vous êtes gentils, je prendrai des criquets ! Dès que la puce est née, je m’occupe du passeport. Roselyne a trouvé une astuce pour être sûre d’avoir un rendez-vous à l’ambassade.

  8. I know what it feels like but not when you already have three children! We also left the plans for what we would do with JJ til the last mnute too! Just know that it will all come together and focus on having a nice chilled delivery (as much as can be hoped!) X

  9. Oh honey, it’s normal to feel this way-have you tried Rescue Remedy from Boots-safe to use on kids from 2 too and I used it through pregnancy, instantly calms me and stops me from feeling panicky. Ask the chemist to ensure fine in pregnancy but I used it throughout second pregnancy. In fact got me through driving test, uni, wedding, amazing stuff. Sending hugs, everything, I promise will be fine (now get the husband sorting the cupboards) xx

    • I should get the rescue remedy out of the birth bag and keep it in handbag, you are right! Will dig it out. Xxx

  10. Oh Mel, I really feel for you. I’m sure that everything will be fine, as it sounds like you have done brilliantly so far. Best wishes Julie xx

    • I am sure it will be. Hubby has been looking after me this week-end and I have been resting today, which feels great! x

  11. ghostwritermummy2014 says:

    Oh you need to slow down! Glad you’ve finished work now. Please don’t panic, try to take a step back and think about your options clearly. It WILL work out and its not good to be getting yourself panicked x x x

  12. OMG! Where do I start…or you?! I can totally empathise with everything you say because you just want to have everything perfect for this little perfect bundle that is about to come into your life. But if you keep looking there is always something to do, so stop looking and focus on yourself! The state of your cupboards remind me of mine…I read yesterday that this is called messy-chic! So if anyone asks just go with that…alternatively get hubby to sort them out!
    Although tbh, I probably would’ve panic at the ‘where-are-we-going-to-do-with-the-children’ plan your hubby proposed. But you sorted it, so you can tick that one off your list – hopefully make you less panicky!
    Now, breathe….
    Best of luck xx

    • Have been resting a lot this week-end. I like the ‘messy-chic’ label for the cupboards, makes me feel better! Xxx

  13. Men really don’t get it sometimes, do they?! This made me laugh because it was the kind of thing Ross would say too. Don’t you worry yourself about the kitchen cupboards either. Your plan sounds far more sensible. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo and thinking of you lovely xx

  14. Oh Mel, I’m really late commenting on this, I do hope that the weekend was calmer and that things are looking better today… It will all be fine! Thinking of you x

  15. Think it’s entirely natural to nest (and panic a little too). Makes me think back to all those unfortunate EBay purchases! Hoping it all goes well for you (personally found the hypnotherapy tracks on my Ipod a big help…..)

  16. Being panicky is completely normal towards the end of pregnancy. I’m amazed at how much you’ve been trying to cram into your time! Work, three children, pregnancy and keeping a house running must be hard enough without blogging too! I’m in awe! xx PS I insisted that every corner of our house was cleaned before E arrived – every piece of furniture had to be taken out and cleaned. I was a complete nightmare! The second she arrived, calm was restored and I forgot all about cleaning again.

    • Your nesting sounds just like mine! This time, all I had time and energy for was the children’s bedroom and the windows. Other than that, I did not manage to do any of the deep-cleaning. Now that Wriggly is with us, I feel more at peace with the messy cupboards! x

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  1. […] a bit stunned I have to say and neither of us really knew what to do. Hubby went with his initial plan. He spoke to his dad and asked him to pack and drive up from Devon. He then called Cé, got her to […]

Thanks for taking the time to write a little message. Comments always make me smile! x Mel

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