10.34 a.m.
I have not been a good mum this morning. I have not been a particularly nice wife either… I had decided today would be a special day for Crevette (5 years 7 months). My little man had had a tearful week at school and I wanted to give him a ‘special mummy day’ so we could spend quality time together and chat about what was bothering him. Well, that was the plan anyway…
We all woke up around 7 a.m. and everything was fine. An hour later, the older two had made a mess in their bedroom, the youngest had spread rice cereal all over my bed, the sun was shining, hubby was reading the news in bed and I was just chilling next to him. All was fine.
The time to get going was fast approaching and I realised nothing was ready. I started worrying that I had not yet emptied the tumble dryer, had an awful lot to do for work tomorrow, had not baked the bread that had been raising overnight, had not had a shower, my bag was not ready for our day out, the children’s bedroom was a bomb site, there was satsuma juice on their radiator, one of Crevette’ school shoes had disappeared, Jumpy had filled up her nappy and Beanie was adamant she would join Crevette and I on our adventure. Crevette came down the stairs wearing a dirty T-shirt, a pair of Star Wars trunks, socks and a sun hat.
Then a thought occurred to me… I would spend the day out of the house to find it looking ten times worse when we got back. That might be when I started snapping and being a moany, grumpy, terrible mum.
I cleaned the radiator, threw a few things down the stairs, overcooked the bread, forgot to put the white wash on, had my shower, got Crevette dressed a bit more appropriately and I told my little man he could not bring with him the string bag full of soft toys or the two small suitcases he had got ready for our adventure.
We still managed to leave on time and just before we left, Beanie said five words that made me feel like an even worse mother: “Maman, are you still shouty?” I replied that I was not. She ran to her bedroom and proudly offered me the trophy hubby had given her a week ago to reward her efforts to control her temper. She was incredibly proud of having that little trophy on her bedside table so I knew it was a big deal for her to give it to me.
I had been horrible, running around snapping at everybody and my daughter (3 years 5 months) was being the adult there. She believed in me… I told her I loved her, kissed everyone and left with Crevette, feeling awful.
11.03 a.m.
Crevette and I are on the train to London and rather than focusing on him, I have spent the whole journey typing on my phone what a bad mum I had been. My little Crevette has not complained once…
11.11 a.m.
The trains were so full today I thought I should get a ‘Baby on Board’ badge from the underground ticket office. I am not sure why, but getting that little badge was what made me realise that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and actually start enjoying spending time with my son. I am not sure whether or not I will post this later as I am ashamed of having sunk so low and being so selfish… Phone off now, I will give Crevette the time he needs and apart from a few snaps, I will not use this phone again or ruin our time together any more than I already have.
1.48 p.m.
I am having lunch with Crevette. He has gone to the loo so I just thought I would jot down a few thoughts. We did not do what I had planned and that made us both much happier. We did what Crevette fancied today. We just sat down in the sun looking at water features for a bit, had a nice cream and walked around Central London aimlessly, which was really refreshing actually. I never do anything without an end goal, and not knowing what we would be doing was rather exciting actually. We looked at restaurant windows in Chinatown, treated ourselves to ice cream, started longingly at fruit tartlets, had a surrealistic conversation with an old man dressed like a dog in Covent Garden, watched a street show in the sunshine, tried to spot people dressed in green and I read Crevette a story. We talked a lot about wonderful things like cake, why ice cream melts, Saint Patrick’s day, snakes shedding their skin, pregnant mummies sometimes getting moody (turns out hubby had explained that to him this morning) and I apologised for this morning. We agreed to try not to get cross with each other again.
4.15 p.m.
We are back home and the house was actually looking better than when we left this morning. I ought to have more faith in my family. Right now, the kids are spraying water on each other in the garden and they will need a warm bath soon. Beautiful afternoon!
Sometimes, you just need one such bad morning to make you stop rushing and just enjoy the small things in life, remember to breathe and take your time, enjoy your family and not be so hard on yourself.
If I had three wishes for my family, I would want us to enjoy every minute spent together (life is too short for bickering), be healthy (for obvious reasons) and always patient with each other. Life is good, family is good. I am not always a good mum and that is fine, I am only human.
You got it Mel, you are only human. We all have days like this and we all feel like this at times. You are amazing, and you do an amazing job with your family. It’s totally natural to feel how you did. So glad you had a wonderful day x
Thanks for a lovely comment, Kiran. I was going to post something about the importance of one-to-one time with each child yesterday but after I had been that moody in the morning, I felt I had lost all credibility. I am glad I wrote this despite the fact I am not proud of myself. x Mel
What a great post, and so honest of you to post it, but we’ve all been there. Thinking about all of the practical things that need to be done and sometimes lose sight of what we ought to be doing with the little people around us. Am glad you posted this and shared, and I’m glad you have a great day being spontaneous. x
Asking my little man whether he wanted to do what I had planned or something else and seeing the big smile on his face was the highlight of the day for me. He loved just walking around London and not sticking to a schedule and so did I! x Mel
You are so far from being a bad mummy Mel! I really get this though, that feeling that you can’t relax and just be a mindful parent when the house is in a state and you maybe don’t have dinner planned and once you’ve shouted or snapped once you become trapped in a downward spiral and everyone else’s mood is affected. Those are the bad days but at least you managed to have a lovely meandering afternoon with your little boy in the end. X
I could not agree more, the problem is so often that inability to relax until everything is done. When you are a parent, it is never all done and letting go when you know it will still be there later for you to do is not easy. Yesterday was definitely proof that it does not matter. Stuff gets done in the end and it feels amazing to let go and be flexible! X Mel
You are so not a bad mum, as you say, you’re just human. I know my snappy triggers will be when I can see there’s lots to be done and I get frustrated by it. When I’m more relaxed, with a smaller to-do list, I’m definitely a better mum. And it’ll always be Boo that makes me feel terrible by saying something like that to me, too. Glad you did have a great day in the end, and I enjoyed reading with the diary entry style posting x
I really ought to remove things from my to-do list. Too much pressure only makes it more difficult when you feel you are sinking and yet cannot get your head out of the water… Since I started blogging, I have struggled to keep up with my diary I have to say, so that one can just get printed and get stuck in there (one less item on the to-do list). x Mel
Don’t worry we all have shouty mom days. I know I do. We are human and try to do the humanly impossible on a daily basis. So we are bound to crack from time to time. You had a day out no matter how it went you tried. There is always tomorrow. Kids won’t remember the shouting just the good memories made around it. My momma was a shouter but never did us any harm we had a fantastic childhood.
Thanks Jenny, I try to enjoy every minute I get with my children and not get angry with them, especially when they have not done anything to cause my bad mood. The pregnancy hormones are probably part of my lack of self-control yesterday. Crevette still had a great day, that is what matters the most! x Mel
Sounds like you are a good mum to me! We all get grumpy sometimes! Sounds like you had a lovely day with your son. #magicmoments
The day with my little man was lovely, despite the moody start! Thanks for your lovely comment. x Mel
I love that post. At least there is someone else like me! On Saturday I was very very grumpy and I don’t really know why. Nothing was right and everything was getting on top of me. I went for a short walk and sat and looked at the view of the Exe estuary. The sun was shining and yet I still couldn’t quite shift the horrid mood. You are right though…life is far too short for all that and after a night of dancing on Saturday I felt better yesterday (although still not my perky self for some reason!)! Thanks for being brave and sharing your ‘normal’ side!
Vicki, your comment is spot on! How odd that we should be in a terrible mood and not know why or be able to get rid of that dreadful sensation. Feeling you are not coping is not nice… It is good to know others feel the same way sometimes (well in this case, sort of at the same time!). x Mel
Don’t worry about it, I get like this once a month! You took your son out for a lovely day and that’s all that he will remember about the day because that’s the important part.
Was there a sneaky little clue in this post? Are you pregnant?! xx
It might be more than once a month here! The great time he had is definitely what he will remember the most, but I cannot help feeling guilty. Why do we always have to feel guilty about so many things as mothers? Yes, I am 28 weeks pregnant! I posted about it a few weeks ago (the post with the shoes on the home page). x Mel
Oh how exciting congratulations, I don’t know how I missed that but I’m coming over to read that post now! xx
Thanks Alex. x
Familiar scene! Then I realized this is how it is in my house too. Thank you for sharing your moments =)
#magicalmoments
Thanks Merlinda, it is reassuring to know you are not on your own! x Mel
Do you know what? You are so right! We need the bad times to remember the good! Sometimes time out is all you need. Thank you for linking to Magic Moments 🙂 x
Definitely. A bit of fresh air and sunshine can make you feel a hundred times better! Mel
Every Mum is a shouty Mum sometimes, I refuse to believe otherwise!
True…
Hi from a proud Beau Pere
Beau Papa, You commented on my blog! I can hardly believe it is this very post (shame, oh shame) you chose to comment on, but thank you, it means a lot to me… x Mel
Oh Hun – don’t beat yourself up – we all have bad days where we say and do things which we think makes us feel that we’re the worst mum in the world. The fact that you got given a trophy says heaps. So pleased that your day out was the tonic you needed. Fab post xxx #magicmoments
Thanks for your lovely comment. x Mel
This pretty much sums up most of my days 🙂 great honest post!
Thanks Nina!
Lovely post, I think we are all guilty of rishing through life, picking on the annoying things, rather than sitting back and appreciating the moment. All too soon our amazing little people will be all grown up and have flown the nest #magicmoments
I know, I spend as much time as I possibly can with the little ones and I keep reminding myself that the chores can always be done later… Children are so much more precious and fun than a tidy house! Mel
What a refreshingly honest post. Everyone has days like this so don’t be so hard on yourself! Great three wishes #ThePrompt
This post was not as easy to write as the good moments, but I found it quite cathartic. I am glad the realisation that I was not being a great mum made me stop, think and let Crevette have the day he wanted, rather than what I had planned for him. x Mel
Firstly HUGEST congrats honey, how far along are you? Please don’t beat yourself up too much, you’re a fab mum always going above and beyond… pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for!! Lovely wishes xx #ThePrompt
Such a nice comment to read on a lazy Saturday morning! Thank you! Wriggly is due on 10 June, so less than 12 weeks to go (I can hardly believe how quickly this pregnancy has gone!). Life does not get much more exciting! x Mel
I think I can identify with this. My control freakery gets in the way of life, of enjoying the present, living in the moment. I like your 3 wishes. #ThePrompt
Same here! How annoying to always want to be in control! Mel
You could have been describing my house in the morning there! I am most definitely a shouty mum on occasion and I too have been shamed by my son asking me if I’m in a better mood yet… Your wishes are perfect, we should all hope for that for our families and we should all remember to take a moment and enjoy, and to be patient x Thanks so much for linking this wonderfully honest post with #ThePrompt x
It is reassuring to read that other mums can relate to this. You sometimes feel like you are the only one not being an adequate mum, as all we tend to post is our successes rather than our failures. I certainly do it a lot! x Mel
I’m so guilty of snapping too much, or spending time on my phone or computer, but like you said, we’re only human and my children are always telling me what a great Mum I am, which in turn tells me I’m doing a great job #ThePrompt
The children are brilliant at reassuring us, aren’t they? x Mel
Take it from a mum with teenage kids, you are not alone, we’ve all been there…many times! Thank goodness then end of your day was so much better than the beginning. Being told ‘remember to breathe’ is the best piece of advice I have ever been given, so true #ThePrompt
Such a great piece of advice, thanks! A good, deep breath can go a long way… will try to remember. x Mel
I don’t think you’re a bad Mum or at least I hope not as I have my fair share of shouty days and haven’t got your excuse! xx
I do not really have an excuse and I certainly do not have four little ones just yet (but you do!). Thanks for your lovely comment. x Mel
One bad morning doesn’t make a bad mummy! I love that your daughter gave you her trophy though that’s so cute
She is a little cutie pie! Mel