I have not been a good mum this morning. I have not been a particularly nice wife either… I had decided today would be a special day for Crevette (5 years 7 months). My little man had had a tearful week at school and I wanted to give him a ‘special mummy day’ so we could spend quality time together and chat about what was bothering him. Well, that was the plan anyway…
We all woke up around 7 a.m. and everything was fine. An hour later, the older two had made a mess in their bedroom, the youngest had spread rice cereal all over my bed, the sun was shining, hubby was reading the news in bed and I was just chilling next to him. All was fine.
The time to get going was fast approaching and I realised nothing was ready. I started worrying that I had not yet emptied the tumble dryer, had an awful lot to do for work tomorrow, had not baked the bread that had been raising overnight, had not had a shower, my bag was not ready for our day out, the children’s bedroom was a bomb site, there was satsuma juice on their radiator, one of Crevette’ school shoes had disappeared, Jumpy had filled up her nappy and Beanie was adamant she would join Crevette and I on our adventure. Crevette came down the stairs wearing a dirty T-shirt, a pair of Star Wars trunks, socks and a sun hat.
Then a thought occurred to me… I would spend the day out of the house to find it looking ten times worse when we got back. That might be when I started snapping and being a moany, grumpy, terrible mum.
I cleaned the radiator, threw a few things down the stairs, overcooked the bread, forgot to put the white wash on, had my shower, got Crevette dressed a bit more appropriately and I told my little man he could not bring with him the string bag full of soft toys or the two small suitcases he had got ready for our adventure.
We still managed to leave on time and just before we left, Beanie said five words that made me feel like an even worse mother: “Maman, are you still shouty?” I replied that I was not. She ran to her bedroom and proudly offered me the trophy hubby had given her a week ago to reward her efforts to control her temper. She was incredibly proud of having that little trophy on her bedside table so I knew it was a big deal for her to give it to me.
I had been horrible, running around snapping at everybody and my daughter (3 years 5 months) was being the adult there. She believed in me… I told her I loved her, kissed everyone and left with Crevette, feeling awful.
Crevette and I are on the train to London and rather than focusing on him, I have spent the whole journey typing on my phone what a bad mum I had been. My little Crevette has not complained once…
The trains were so full today I thought I should get a ‘Baby on Board’ badge from the underground ticket office. I am not sure why, but getting that little badge was what made me realise that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and actually start enjoying spending time with my son. I am not sure whether or not I will post this later as I am ashamed of having sunk so low and being so selfish… Phone off now, I will give Crevette the time he needs and apart from a few snaps, I will not use this phone again or ruin our time together any more than I already have.
I am having lunch with Crevette. He has gone to the loo so I just thought I would jot down a few thoughts. We did not do what I had planned and that made us both much happier. We did what Crevette fancied today. We just sat down in the sun looking at water features for a bit, had a nice cream and walked around Central London aimlessly, which was really refreshing actually. I never do anything without an end goal, and not knowing what we would be doing was rather exciting actually. We looked at restaurant windows in Chinatown, treated ourselves to ice cream, started longingly at fruit tartlets, had a surrealistic conversation with an old man dressed like a dog in Covent Garden, watched a street show in the sunshine, tried to spot people dressed in green and I read Crevette a story. We talked a lot about wonderful things like cake, why ice cream melts, Saint Patrick’s day, snakes shedding their skin, pregnant mummies sometimes getting moody (turns out hubby had explained that to him this morning) and I apologised for this morning. We agreed to try not to get cross with each other again.
We are back home and the house was actually looking better than when we left this morning. I ought to have more faith in my family. Right now, the kids are spraying water on each other in the garden and they will need a warm bath soon. Beautiful afternoon!
Sometimes, you just need one such bad morning to make you stop rushing and just enjoy the small things in life, remember to breathe and take your time, enjoy your family and not be so hard on yourself.
If I had three wishes for my family, I would want us to enjoy every minute spent together (life is too short for bickering), be healthy (for obvious reasons) and always patient with each other. Life is good, family is good. I am not always a good mum and that is fine, I am only human.