My little man (Year 3) is an excellent reader and Maths is his forte, no doubt about that. One thing he needs to focus on is his writing. This half term, I set him a challenge he was more than happy to take on: writing between 200 and 250 words about a topic of his choice and structure his work into paragraphs.
He decided to write why he loves LEGO. Earlier this week, as he was playing LEGO, we selected ten adjectives together (with his grandad’s help), five of which would need to be used in his final text. He learnt what they all meant and practised spelling them every day. Our 10 adjectives are: eager, creative, versatile, delighted, complicated, intricate, enjoyable, absorbing, mind-expanding and flexible.
Here is a short poem he wrote on his own, with no prompting (I found it as a note on my phone):
Be happy and have fun
Play games and be active
Don’t spend your time on the computer
Or your eyes will hurt !
Or your eyes will hurt…
Why not play Lego instead?
The aim of this activity is to improve his spelling and also to structure paragraphs in a clear, logical way, using a good range of vocabulary. Over to you, Crevette!
Crevette’s first draft (119 words):
He needs Nothink Is You I love Lego so mutch I could buy a pice for 100£. 99
as good as LEGO!
Do amazing things with it
It is so amasing!
envented the best thing ever your fab fab fab fab
Hi my names crevette when I was only 3 years old I was eager to create a home for myself first I made a house made out off doplo for my babbysister bene . I like Lego because: You can do what ever you like with it it is as enjoyable as watching wriggly she is 1 and half years old
pulling funny faces.
I can make the Eifel tower,a complicated tedy, most things you can think of!
My feedback (Oh dear… where shall I start? In his defence, his sisters were distracting him when he was working on his text):
On a positive note, you have quite a lot of good points here and I like the fact you introduced yourself. You are certainly showing lots of enthusiasm towards Lego and you managed to use three of the adjectives from our list.
Things to improve:
- Organise your work into logical paragraphs. Here are ideas for your paragraphs, looking at what you have written already: Me / What I like about Lego / What you can make with Lego.
- You can right-click on the words underlined for a quick spell-check.
- Make sure you develop your ideas, write full sentences and add some good description (and adjectives).
- Read your work aloud when finished to check it makes sense. Check spellings as well as punctuation are good.
New version (211 words):
Hi, my names Crevette and I am 7 and a half. When I was only 3 years old I was eager to create a home for myself. First I created a house made out of Duplo for my baby sister Beanie.
Now I can make more intricate things like a Lego police station.
What I like about Lego
I like Lego because you can do whatever you like with it. it is as enjoyable as watching Wriggly pulling funny faces. She is 1 and half years old.
I love Lego so much I could buy a big box for £100.99 but I wold need to save up for that! I could do amazing things with it and I would be delighted.
It is so amazing!
Lego, you invented the best thing ever. You are fab!
What you can make with Lego.
I can make the Eifel tower, a complicated teddy… most things you can think of!
As well as that you can play with Lego people.
Feedback for the Final Piece:
Well done Crevette! You’ve followed all instructions to improve your work and what a difference an hour of focused work has made! There are still a few spelling mistakes and you could have included a bit more detail but overall, it is a lovely piece to read.
What strategies do you use to help your children improve their writing skills?